Patience truly is a virtue. Knowing this is a practice we must face with intention, our little family has been working on it. Husband has been working on his patience with the new job situation. And here I lie, desperately craving the Lord's blessing of patience in me. With the exception of my first birth, I have experienced horrible prodromal labor. If it started at 36, 37, 38, 39 weeks, I would be okay waiting it out. I believe in full term babies and never rushing the process. But here I am at 40 weeks 3 days and I have been in prodromal labor: intense contractions that sustain a pattern for several hours convincing you that your precious little baby is certainly on it's way, only to lie in the end when it tapers off and leaves you exhausted, sore, and disappointed! This is a variation of what I have encountered for about 4 days now. My difference is that all night long while sleeping, I have intense contractions that don't allow me to change my position to get comfortable. While I am awake during the day, I have them each time I get active and my inner legs go numb from the intensity. I have prayed each time, it seems like all day: Lord, give me the one big sign I need to know this is it. If it's not it, take it away. It is really important to me that the midwife gets here and my precious birth team gets here in time to offer me the support my heart so desires and I truly feel I need. I don't want to "cry wolf" and I don't want people to think that at my 4th baby, I still don't know what labor is. So please, Lord, answer the desires of my heart and see the value in my requests. Amen!
As I reflect tonight, I feel bad for contacting the midwife twice about my fake labor. I feel bad that I have neglected my family for three nights in a row to tend to the focus on bringing this baby into the world. I feel bad for my husband who gets equally excited about meeting his new baby and has helped prepare my nest, only to be disappointed. I sit in my bed, exhausted from getting about 3 hours of sleep the last two nights, having contractions all day and all night, and still having contractions. I love being pregnant! I love giving birth! I very much dislike the waiting patiently on the labor to really start. I want nothing more in the world than to meet this baby. Believe me, no one wants him here more than me! So, if you see me out and about, try not to ask if I am still pregnant! I am, clearly defined by this huge bulge in my midsection. :*) Please don't take my exhaustion as rudeness.
I pray that Tuesday, when we see the midwife, that she will give us some ways to encourage labor. Possible manipulating my cervix a bit. The chiropractor aligned things last week and began this whole situation, I believe. The contractions are doing something because I am about 4-5cm's dilated. Though that means nothing, really, since I walked around 6 cm's with my second pregnancy for two weeks! My water has never broken until right before I started pushing so while I pray my water breaks to start labor, I don't hold much hope for it! If you are thinking right now, "This woman has had 3 babies already and doesn't know what labor is?" My answer is yes, I have no idea what labor is! If I were a traditional maternity patient, I would have visited the Ob ward ten times by now and probably convinced that pitocin would work wonders on me. It likely would have had our baby here last week. But I am patiently waiting on the Lord to say, "Today is the day. This is the day your sweet baby is going to be in your arms." My children have prayed that "this tonight" is the night and I stand in agreement! My last birth was about 3 hours start to finish so we still have many hours to this night! If it's tomorrow or next Tuesday, whenever the Lord decides to bring our miracle to us, I will rest in His sovereignty over this whole process. The womb is the secret place and in the end, birth is God's business. I trust faithfully in that! If we can naturally encourage the process though, I will welcome that too!
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